Shuffle Synchronicities: Volume 1 - #53

"Have Some Love" by Childish Gambino - 02/24/21

"Have Some Love" by Childish Gambino

This Donald Glover/Childish Gambino song and album are heavily influenced by George Clinton’s funk bands Parliament and Funkadelic.

Which Genius.com reports is one of Donald’s father’s favorite bands.

If you remember, the shuffle has already gone to Funkadelic, the song “Whole Lot of BS - 1972 Version”, which reminded me of hearing the song on Father’s Day 2020 after finding a dead white rat, which I viewed as a message per Chinese astrology.

Have a word for your brother
Have some time for one another
Really love one another
It's so hard to find
Have a word for your brother
Have some time for one another
Really love one another
It's so hard to find

Today my book about my dad, who passed away 2 years ago tomorrow, was listed as one of the entries for the Wikipedia article: “Longest English sentence”.

If you have read the book, you might remember that this Wikipedia article is a major plot point. And achieving this notability was my ambition for writing the book.

In the book’s narrative, I think I have won the record by beating Jonathan Coe’s 13,995-word sentence, but then realize that Mike McCormack’s Solar Bones is a sentence that’s over two hundred pages long, so I decide I must continue on writing.

Later, near the end, I find out that Lucy Ellmann has published an over 1,000-page book that is mostly one sentence a few months after I have started writing.

But I learn that what is important about this project is not winning the record but the personal growth I experience while writing it.

Here are some screengrabs of the current Wikipedia article though ;)

You got the power, you got the power
Of every hour, of every hour
I come to getcha and I know where you are
I come to getcha and I know where you are
It's getting hot, it's like a sauna
Then every night, in Arizona
They come to getcha when they grope in your mind
They think you creepy, getting down in your mind
They come to getcha, they come to getcha
It doesn't matter, you making magic
I got the business to make a mind
I got the business to make a mind
And if you feel it, if you feel in your toes
And you act nothing like nobody knows
But if you want it, you got to want it

It’s interesting to me that Childish Gambino seems to pair the chorus, which, reads to me at least, like Donald talking about his spirituality—coming together in agape-like brotherly love with one another—with the first verse, which, reads to me at least, like Donald talking about his creativity—his ambitions, ability, and struggles.

Which is also sort of like the two halves of my book about my dad.

“They think you creepy”, “getting down in your mind”, “It doesn’t matter, you making magic”, “I got the business to make a mind”, “But if you want it, you got to want it”.

All suggest, to me at least, him saying to do whatever it takes to realize your creative goals.

Even if that means hiring a Wikipedia consultant ;)

I accidentally let a song come on after “Have Some Love” on the shuffle instead of putting it on repeat, which I normally do as I write the post, and the next song was:

“Needle In The Hay” by Elliott Smith

Which is a particularly poignant synchronicity as I associate it with the Wes Anderson movie, The Royal Tenenbaums, which is perhaps my favorite movie, and which I also wrote about in the book about my dad.

Your hand on his arm
The hay stack charm around your neck
Strung out and thin
Calling some friend trying to cash some check
He's acting dumb
That's what you've come to expect
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay

When I shared it with my dad, he reacted against the movie’s story where the father makes amends with his family by saying, “That’s not how things really go,” which I ascribed to his own unresolved relationship with his father.

Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
He's wearing your clothes
Head down to toes a reaction to you
You say you know what he did
But you idiot kid
You don't have a clue
Sometimes they just get caught in the eye

The song is used in the movie to depict the character Richie Tenenbaum attempting to commit suicide, which, is of course, how my father died two years ago tomorrow.

My dad was also named Richard like the character. And I can remember now that when I first read the screenplay version of the movie many years ago circa 2007 something happened in my mind where I thought that the character who committed suicide was Bill Murray’s character, Raleigh St. Clair, not Richie.

I wonder now if something in my mind/psyche was preventing me from associating the name Richard with suicide attempts.

You're pulling him through
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Now on the bus
Nearly touching this dirty retreat
Falling out 6th and Powell a dead sweat in my teeth

Two nights ago, after the post about “I’m Depressed” by Ka5sh, in which I sort of boasted about how I haven’t felt depressed since writing the book about my dad, I talked to my mom, who expressed that she was feeling quite depressed leading up to tomorrow’s anniversary.

So the second part of that post about helping friends/family through depression was another synchronicity.

And one in which I had to do my best to fulfill.

I’m happy to report that she felt better yesterday and she feels better today as well.

Gonna walk walk walk
Four more blocks plus one in my break
Down downstairs to the man
He's gonna make it all ok
I can't beat myself
I can't beat myself
And I don't want to talk
I'm taking the cure so I can be quiet

But last night as I was praying after lightning incense in my Miwak Junior sculpture:

My prayers kept being interrupted by hearing my mother’s voice, who had told me on the phone just an hour or so earlier “don’t fall asleep with incense going.”

I started to empathetically wonder what it must have felt like to be my mother after my dad had attempted suicide when I was less than 5 years old.

It all started to make sense why she was so anxious about the incense (which I didn’t plan to keep going while I slept) and many other things in the way she parented me.

I speculated that she may have developed an ontological anxiety in her personality after that trauma, fearing that my dad would one day complete the attempt.

She recently pointed out to me that the weight she has carried since I can remember knowing her all came and stayed on after that first attempt.

Whenever I want
So leave me alone
You ought to be proud that I'm getting good marks
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay

A big theme of the book about my dad is wondering how I can not repeat his fate.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at last once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete it.

While contemplating my father’s death over the past two years, I’ve often thought that the years of medicine that lead to his poor kidney functioning were perhaps what ultimately lead to his suicide attempt and death.

He had become so anxious and depressed about his kidneys failing that it seemed like he wanted to seize control of how he died perhaps.

So I’ve wanted to be on as little medicine as possible in order to not have the same complications.

This morning I woke up early to have a phone call with a potential new psychiatrist, who focuses on living as much without meds as possible.

We set an appointment for March.

I wonder what my dad thinks of my goal of being on less medicine.

Not just if he’d approve of it when he was alive, but now as a spirit with more knowing.

I recall the second verse of the Childish Gambino song.

Come on baby, oh
Darling no, no, no, no, no, no, no
That's right baby, that's right
I see wherever, wherever, wherever you are
(Wherever, wherever, wherever you are)
I see wherever, wherever, wherever you are
(Wherever, wherever, wherever you are)
Wherever, wherever, wherever you are
(Wherever, wherever, wherever you are)
Do no wrong now
That's right, baby

I think of my dad seeing me “wherever, wherever, wherever [I am.]”

But also saying: “Darling no, no, no, no, no, no, no”

And I think of how Elliott Smith committed suicide two years after The Royal Tenenbaums movie.

So I guess for now I don’t know…

Okay, that’s the fifty-third Shuffle Synchronicities.